“My oldest friend is drifting away. Should I let her?”

Dear Missing Her,

Friendships rarely end with a slammed door. More often they thin out, like a path that nobody walks quite often enough. It is one of the quietly sad things about adult life, and it is nothing to be ashamed of noticing.

I would resist the urge to diagnose from a distance. You have two pieces of evidence, a birthday message and an emoji, and a great many theories. Theories are cheap and tend to be unkind to both parties.

Instead, try a direct and warm invitation. Not "we should catch up sometime," which asks nothing of anyone, but something specific and easy: "I was thinking of you. Would you like to take a walk on Saturday, or have a call on Thursday evening?"

Then watch what happens, without keeping score. If she says yes, you will learn more in an hour than in a year of guessing. If she says no, or says nothing, that is information too, and it is not necessarily a verdict. People go through seasons in which they have very little to give.

If the friendship has changed shape, you can decide what shape you can honestly live with. Some friends are daily friends. Some are twice-a-year friends who pick up exactly where they left off. Both are real.

And be kind to yourself about being the one who reaches out. Somebody has to go first, and it is not a lesser role.

With warmth, The Wise Woman